Monthly Archives: November 2016

Memoirs – Flying

(Fiction! Yay!)

I guess this is the key feature of being a capsuleer. Piloting a ship, flying with just your mind.

I’ve been told the experience is different for everyone, so I can only speak for myself. It’s a hard thing to put into words, but I’ll try.

Have you ever driven? Where you don’t think about steering, you just do it? Where you’re one with the vehicle? And if you start thinking about it, everything goes to hell? That’s what flying is like for me. Achieving that state of mind where you just act, rather than thinking. There’s probably a word for it, but not one I know. I don’t think about going faster, or think “I should set speed to a hundred meters per second”; instead I just travel at the right feeling speed. Sure, it isn’t as precise, but it works for me. You get used to it, knowing how far away things are, and travelling there. Or twisting away from danger.

Some ships make me feel sluggish, others fast and nimble. I know some people find it hard to work with camera drones, your viewpoint no longer connected to your body, but it feels natural to me. When I want to look at something, I just do. While also knowing where I am, and what’s around me.

If I’m flying a long time, it takes a while to get used to my body again. I’ve seen some people who’ve spent long times in micro gravity have trouble getting used to the idea that things don’t stay where they put them. It’s similar, but on a bigger scale. Walking is harder than most people realise. And having to move yourself, to get a better view of something. Bit of a mind fuck, really. And kind of limiting.

Actually flying? There’s nothing like it. That feeling of power. Sure, there’s pain, when your ship gets shot to pieces around you. From an itch, to a deep burning pain. But you learn to wall it off. Keep thinking clearly, while your body is falling to pieces around you. The feeling of weakness, as someone drains your energy. Being stuck in molasses when you’re webbed. Explaining it is hard. There aren’t words for it. I guess, eventually, there may be. But when you’re a capsuleer, you just know. Though it makes some conversations hard to have. Imagine having to explain taste, to someone who’s only ever eaten the one food? It’s an overwhelming experience. But one I wouldn’t give up for anything.

Memoirs – Humanity

(Fiction, yay 😀 )

Am I still human? That’s an interesting question. I guess the technically correct answer is no. I’m not. This body isn’t born, it’s made. My brain isn’t grown, it’s forced into a state when my last body died. While it’s probably now a match for my original genetic structure, it didn’t use to be.

Technically, I’m an infomorph. A being of mind, that inhabits various bodies. That’s hardly human.

But I still think of myself as human. Not post human, as some capsuleers believe. Not better than the baseliners who surround me. Just different. Sure, I have plastic bones, plugs in my back and more metal in my head, but I still feel. I still bleed red blood.


Maybe if I spent more time in my capsule, I’d think differently. Maybe I’m wrong. But surely it’s how you feel, that determines your humanity?