Memoirs – Self Image

(It may not be good, but I don’t care. You don’t need to read it 😉 )

Self Image

I’ve been asked before, why capsuleers aren’t all perfect specimens. Why some of us are scarred. Why some bear the legacy of the human endurance program. Why, when we can shape ourselves in pretty much any way we please, most of us chose to stay close to how we were, when we were baseliners.

I can’t speak for the others. One thing I’m not is a mind reader. And I guess I’m more unusual than most. I mean, every time I die, I wake up in a body which has had an eye and its arms replaced. There’s discomfort. There’s some relearning of how everything fits together, that I never had with a more natural body. [A snort of laughter] If you can call anything about these so-called clones natural.

But I think it’s all down to seeing a familiar face in the mirror when we wake up. I mean, we spend hours, days, sometimes weeks without being able to see ourselves. Where our bodies are the ships we pilot. Where our eyes are the drones we can send to see anything which we wish to. It’s a heady sensation, which can leave you feeling very small when you unplug. Limited. Vulnerable.

So, for me, I want to see myself in the mirror. Something to anchor myself, when I come down. Scars give you something to focus on. Something to say, “Yes, this is me.” Something to fool the mind into forgetting that this isn’t the same body as you were born in. Or even the one you woke up in that day. That might be half way across the cluster. Little tricks to ground you. Stop you forgetting who you are.

It’s one of the reasons I unplug when I can. Sure, there are risks to it. This me may die, because I’m not in my capsule, ready to be whisked away at a moment’s notice. But you can’t let that rule you. Even if this me may die, another can go on, branching from when I last got backed up. That won’t be me, but it’s a legacy, of sorts.

So that’s why we’re not all perfect. Because no-one wants to see a stranger in the mirror.

Memoirs – Self Image by Fuzzwork Enterprises is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.